Split In Two
by Gatzli
Summary: As the wizarding community is thrown into war, Lily begins to wonder which world she really belongs to. Entering her final year at school, she realizes that people can change, and first impressions are not always correct. It becomes clear that Lily must make the rocky ascent into adulthood much faster than she would like. ( James/Lily. I try to keep it as canonical as possible.)
1. Commitment

A/N: I should point out that this chapter is more of an exposition into Lily's home-life. James doesn't show up until chapter two. Fair warning! This chapter is very Petunia heavy.

side-note: reviews are like hugs. they're always welcome.

* * *

The sun was setting outside of the community center, casting a beautiful golden glow on the field beyond. Lily stared at the elongated shadows being cast from the pine trees which lined the field as she sat on the front steps of the building, massaging her bare arms against the chill of the evening. It had been an unusually cool summer, and today had been the first sunny day in a long while. It should have been cause enough to make her smile, but Lily was having a hard time smiling today.

Lily had been shocked when Petunia told her Vernon had proposed, and, to Lily's chagrin, Petunia had noticed. _"What, you don't think I'm good enough to be proposed to?"_ But in fact, that wasn't it at all. As much as Lily disliked Vernon, she had to admit, he and Petunia did seem to make a fitting couple. Lily had been more shocked that her sister, who was only 2 years older than herself, was already planning on getting married. Lily had disapproved when Petunia announced she wasn't going to university, which had led to an argument between the two of them about whether or not Lily was fit to decided what was best for Petunia. Petunia had insisted that Lily, having barely any insight into the Muggle world since she was always away at "that freak school", had no say in the matter. Lily had decided not to point out that going to a different school didn't mean she couldn't tell when someone was being irrational and immature. But of course, Petunia would never believe that her sister was feeling genuine concern for her. In Petunia's mind, Lily was nothing but selfish and ungrateful.

So when the wedding finally came around that July, the summer before Lily's seventh year at Hogwarts, it was Petunia's goal to keep Lily as far from involved as possible. Lily had initially taken this news in great stride, savoring the fact that she wouldn't have to deal with Petunia's incessant whining that everything wasn't going exactly as she wanted it to. However, when she was positioned in the corner of the sitting room pretending to read while her mother and sister looked over a bridal dress catalogue, she couldn't help but feel a bit hurt. It's not that planning a wedding seemed all that thrilling, but Petunia _was_ her sister. It seemed that this was the final step in Petunia's plan of cutting her out for good.

The reason Lily was sitting outside of the community center rather than inside with the rest of the wedding guests was so that she wouldn't have to be around Milly. Milly Waterson was the girl Petunia had chosen to be her Maid of Honor. She was a silly, vapid girl, who worked in the same office building as Petunia (Petunia was a secretary), and whom Lily had met only once before at an office picnic Petunia had dragged her along to. Lily was certain that before asking her to be Maid of Honor Petunia had probably only ever talked to this girl to ask her where she bought her shoes. The fact that she had asked this near complete stranger to be her Maid of Honor was almost more of a slap in the face than Petunia directly saying that she didn't want Lily at the wedding. To make matters worse, Petunia had placed Lily next to Milly in the seating chart, probably to rub it in further.

It was chilly out on the steps, but Lily detested the idea of going back inside. Beside's, Petunia was probably happy she wasn't there to "ruin" her special night. Lily sighed heavily. She really missed school. Whenever Petunia made accusations that Lily was different from the rest of the family, that she didn't belong, her mother always defended her. But Lily was starting to think that Petunia might be right. Every summer she felt more and more estranged from her family. And it wasn't just Petunia. When she was home she felt a sense of stagnation and listlessness that she just couldn't chalk up to the summer blues. Everything was different than it had been.

"Lil's?"

Lily jumped as though she had been scalded. Turning abruptly on the steps, she saw her father closing the door to the community center.

"Oh, hey dad."

"What're you doing out here? They've just cut the cake," he said, smiling in a half-hearted kind of way.

" I don't want any," she said, turning back to face the field. "Besides," she added, bitterly, "I don't want to ruin Petunia's day, after all."

Her father's smile faltered.

" Lily, don't talk like that."

" Why not? It's true. And don't say it isn't, because you were there when she said it."

" I know I was," he said in a hard voice. "Will you look at me?"

Lily begrudgingly turned to face him. He no longer wore a phony smile, and there was a dark crease between his eyebrows.

" Lily, I'm sorry that your sister said those things. I am. But you have to think for a moment how she feels- I'm not defending her!" He added, seeing the look on Lily's face. "I'm not. The way she has acted is immature and totally uncalled for. But I just want you to understand where it comes from. Ever since that letter-"

"Oh, here we go!" Lily stood up. "What do you want me to do? Crawl away in a hole so you can pretend I don't exist!"

Her father seemed shocked at the outburst.

"What? No! Lily, calm dow-"

" Why? Do I embarrass you? Does my existence embarrass you!" She was yelling. She didn't know how or why she had started yelling, but she was. The look on her father's face was one of shock, even fear. At first she felt satisfied, but then she felt ashamed. Relaxing a little, she looked around just in time to see hundreds of tiny pebbles fall back to the ground. Apparently in her anger, they had levitated off of the gravell drive leading to the community center...

"I-I'm sorry," she said weakly, feeling embarrassed. "I don't know what came over me."

As the look of fear left her father's face, he sat straighter on the stoop and patted the space next to him.

"Come here. Sit down."

His voice was calm and soothing, and she obeyed. When she sat down next to him, he placed an arm around her shoulders.

"Lily, whatever you may think, you do _not_ embarrass us. We love you very much, and we also recognize that you and your sister are very different people. And not in a bad way."

He smiled at her, and she mustered a small one in return.

" What you have to understand is that your sister's bitterness, while unwarranted, comes from a place of love. You used to look up to her. You used to follow her around everywhere. And then all of a sudden you get this letter, you leave for this fascinating new life, and she's left in the dust. Do you see?"

Lily felt that this explanation was lacking a few details, but she wasn't in the mood to divulge any, so she simply said, "I guess."

"Well good. Try to keep it in mind."

He kissed her lightly on her forehead, squeezed her shoulder, then stood up and walked back inside. She stared in his direction long after he closed the door, thinking. It was so like her dad to think a few nice words could fix everything. Didn't he realize how much had been said? Lily walked back inside knowing nothing had changed, but newly motivated to accept it.

* * *

Exactly two weeks to the day after Petunia and Vernon's wedding, Petunia moved out of their parent's house into a little house in Surrey with Vernon. _"Vernon's taking care of it."_ Petunia had said, when her parents asked how much it would cost. And by "Vernon", Lily was sure she meant "Vernon's parents", who were reasonably well off and who had paid for the entire wedding as well.

As a result of Petunia's moving out, the house was in complete disarray. Lily was confused by this, seeing as it was Petunia moving out, not her parents. However, there were boxes upon boxes lining the hallway, so that Lily had to edge her way sideways in order to leave the house. Out by the curb Vernon was helping her father load the car, while Petunia stood by and directed them.

"Oh no no, that one should go on the bottom...!" She was saying.

Lily slinked past them on her way to the mailbox, hoping that they wouldn't notice her and then try to rope her into helping. As she turned toward the mailbox she felt her spirits rise. Perched on top of it was a stormy grey barn owl, with a fat, yellowed envelope held in it's beak.

"My letter's come!" She exclaimed without thinking, and her father and Petunia's heads snapped in her direction.

"What letter?" boomed Vernon, his chins jiggling. He turned to look at her and noticed the owl first. "What the-?"

Lily and her father glanced at each other awkwardly as Petunia began to explain.

"Um, Vernon, dear, um, you remember...that uh, that thing I talked to you about?"

The gears in his head seemed to be turning, and his face was growing a grotesque, purple color. "Oh, oh yes," he finally mumbled. "That."

Apparently, Petunia had told Vernon about Lily being a witch shortly after he had proposed to her. Lily had blown up at Petunia when she found out, and the two proceeded to have a row that had lasted several days, and which involved several plates shattering. It was, in part, the reason Petunia had excluded Lily from most of the wedding ceremony. Originally she had told Lily she wasn't allowed to come, but her mother had insisted.

Eventually Lily got used to the fact that Vernon knew about her double life. She supposed he would have had to be told eventually. Still, the look on his bloated, purple face whenever she was mentioned made her uncomfortable.

"So, they send mail by owl's do they? What's wrong with the mailbox, cant figure out how they work?" He asked aloud, chuckling slightly. No one responded.

"I'll just take this inside," said Lily, jumping gladly on any excuse to leave the situation as quickly as possible. She grabbed her letter and the rest of the mail, and then turned to walk inside when Petunia stopped her.

" Hang on," she said, crossing her arms and cocking one of her bony hips. "You know, you _could_ help us with these."

"Oh, suddenly you want me involved in your life? That's funny," said Lily. She turned to leave again, but this time her father stopped her.

"Lil's, come on. This would go a lot faster if you helped us."

Lily gritted her teeth to stop herself from shouting. Turning on her heel, she stalked back to the car and stood next to her father, as far from Vernon and Petunia as possible. For the next twenty minutes, the four of them piled up boxes next to the car and tried to figure out how to get them all to fit, while Petunia complained uselessly that they had to finish before it started raining.

"Well Petunia, maybe if you packed less _stuff-_" said Lily vehemently as she tried to hoist a particularly heavy box into the back seat.

"Uh, excuse me. I happen to be moving into a _house_. And those are wedding gifts! Besides, I dont know why you're complaing. Can't you just wave that ridiculous stick around and make these all fit in here?"

"Not in the middle of broad daylight in the middle of the road I can't!" Lily practically shouted at her, frustrated.

" Convenient," said Petunia snidely.

"What is?" snapped Lily.

"Oh, just that you can't do it when_ I _need help, but you have no problem messing about when you're in the park or-"

" Oh shut it! As if I want to be out here spending my time shoving _your_ crap into the car?"

" GIRLS!" shouted their father, so loudly that even Vernon started. "SHUT UP!"

There seemed to be a buzzing sound as everyone fell silent. Lily and Petunia continued to glare at each other until Lily said, "I'm going inside to help mum."

She stalked back inside, picking up the mail as she went. This time no one stopped her. The hallway was cleared now, and she was able to move easily from the front door to the stairs. Her mother would be in the kitchen, but she wanted to go upstairs and read her letter first.

Lily's bedroom was the first door on the landing. It was smaller than Petunia's, but, she thought, much homier. Petunia's room had been draped with bright pink curtains and posters of Muggle bands, and wall decals that read useless sayings like "friends forever" and "home is where the heart is". Lily wondered vaguely what Petunia's room would be used for now that she was gone. Then she wondered what her own room would be used for once she had left.

Closing the door to her bedroom, Lily turned and sat on her bed, tearing open her Hogwarts Letter. The reason she had been so eager to open it spilled out onto her bedroom floor with a dull thud. Bending down, she picked up the small golden pin which had fallen to the floor. On the front were carved the words _Head Girl_. For what felt like the first time in weeks, a childish grin spread across her face.


	2. Start Fresh

After admiring the new badge pinned to her chest in the mirror, Lily ran downstairs to tell her mother the good news. Mrs. Evans was in the kitchen, and she was just pulling the pork roast out of the oven as Lily skidded into the room sliding on the tiled floor. Her mother, who obviously hadn't noticed her come in, started when she saw her, and placed her hand over her heart.

" My goodness you gave me a fright," She said, placing the roast on the table. " Are they all done loading the car then?"

" I doubt it," said Lily quickly, not wanting to talk about Petunia. " Look at this, mum."

She puffed out her chest to show her the glistening golden pin. Her mother squinted her eyes at it for a moment, and then her face lit up.

" Head girl!" She exclaimed. "Oh Lily that's wonderful! Though, if I may say, I'm not the slightest bit surprised."

" Thanks mum," said Lily, beaming.

" Well dear, it's true. I mean, you've got top grades, prefect since fifth year, and your one Professor, oh what's-his-name, can hardly ever wait to write to us and tell us what a fantastic student you are."

" Right, well I'm glad you were so confident," Lily said, slightly amused. " But I wouldn't have been surprised if Emmeline or Audrey had gotten it."

Mrs. Evans made a face that clearly stated she found that possibility highly unlikely.

" Is that Lupin boy the other head then?" she asked distractedly as she began setting plates on the table.

"Oh, um, you know, I haven't actually read the letter yet," Lily admitted sheepishly. "But I'm sure he has."

"Well, you can check it after dinner," she said resolutely. Lily shrugged and took her place at the table, quite ready to face Petunia again.

That weekend Lily decided she would apparate into Diagon Alley to get her new books. It would be her first time travelling there on her own, seeing as she usually had to be dropped off by her mother in London and walk to the Leaky Cauldron on foot. She was quite looking forward to the trip, not only to get out of the house for the day, but just to be around wizarding folk again. She was getting very tired of listening to Vernon Dursely talk about drills every time he came round for dinner.

So, gathering her things together in a rucksack, she closed her eyes tightly and apparated. It went rather smoothly considering it was only her second time doing so since taking her test. She appeared just outside of the Apothecary. She had been aiming for Gringotts, but it was close enough. After exchanging her Muggle money for some galleons, she walked back out onto the street and pulled out her list. She had barely layed eyes on the print when she looked back up again. Something had just occurred to her.

Looking around her, she realized how very deserted the place was. Normally Diagon Alley was hard to maneuver through, what with all of the witches and wizards bustling by. Today, however, there seemed to be only a few stragglers out on the cobbled streets, and their faces seemed harried and troubled. Lily watched as one witch, who seemed to be travelling alone, ducked out of a shop very hastily, pulled out her wand with a shaky hand, seemed to decide the coast was clear, stuffed it back into her pocket, and then ran up the street. Feeling both confused and a little nervous, Lily decided it might be best to consult her list somewhere more secluded, and walked into the nearest shop.

There was a jingling of bells as she walked through the door, and without so much as a glance around, Lily walked to a corner of the shop and took out her list again. This year was N.E.W.T. Year, and she needed a lot of books. It also seemed that Slughorn wanted them to replenish nearly all of their potions supplies. She even needed a new cauldron. Lily sighed and looked up to see if she would be able to get any of her supplies where she was.

She immediately regretted the decision. Apparently she had walked into the Quidditch shop without realizing it. When she had looked up from her list, it was to unwillingly make eye-contact with a particularly messy-haired boy across the shop, who had apparently been eyeing her. He smirked, and she groaned inwardly.

" Allright, Evans?" he called at her. The three other boys that he was with looked up at the mention of her name. Lily tried to make it look like she hadn't heard him, and busied herself with her list again, but it was no use; they were already walking straight for her.

When it seemed she couldn't ignore them any longer, she begrudgingly looked up from her list again. James Potter was standing directly opposite her, mussing his hair as he leered down at her. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew were off to his right, and Sirius Black lingered behind them, apparently distracted by something he was reading in a display case.

" Hello Lily," said Remus, in what seemed an apologetic tone. Lily gave him a half-hearted smile, then turned back to James and said, "What do you want, Potter?"

" Relax, Evans, we're here on a courtesy call," he said casually, placing his hands in the pocket of his jeans. Neither he nor Sirius were wearing robes.

"Oh really?" said Lily skeptically.

" Lily, are you here by yourself?" asked Remus in a concerned voice, and Lily turned to look at him.

" Um, yes," She said. "Though trust me, I wandered in here by accident."

Remus and James exchanged a dark look with one another, and Lily continued to look perplexed.

"What?" She demanded, looking from one to the other. Sirius had finally caught up to them, and popped up next to James asking, "What's going on?"

" Haven't you been getting _the Prophet_?" asked James, ignoring Sirius entirely. Sirius seemed unperturbed.

Lily eyed him cautiously for a moment, wondering what this inquisitition was about.

" I...no," She explained, eyeing him suspiciously. " My parents don't like the attention it brings when owls show up at the house every week."

That was a lie. Her parents didn't mind the owls; It was Petunia who felt they drew too much attention. She had complained to their parents until her mom had finally asked Lily to stop receiving the newspaper just to appease Petunia.

" Well that explains it," said Remus. "Listen, Lily, its a bit dangerous in the wizarding world at the moment."

"What do you mean?" asked Lily.

"There've been killings," said James, bluntly. "Just last week a Muggle family was slaughtered right out front of the Leaky Cauldron."

" It was a bit bad for business," added Sirius with a wry smile. Remus scowled at him.

Lily stared at them, soaking in what they were saying. Could it be a joke? She looked at James, but his concern did seem earnest. And surely Remus wouldn't be lying about something like this. How could she not have known about this?

" I don't understand," She said, thinking aloud more than anything.

"Death Eaters," said James with a conviction she only ever heard when he was accusing Severus Snape of something horrible. "They're becoming more active."

Sirius seemed to wither slightly at the mention of it. Lily regarded him curiously, then felt her eyes unfocus. Death Eaters? Without meaning to, she immediately thought of Snape. She wondered if he'd been involved in any of it, and her stomach twisted into knots at the idea.

" So, they're targeting Muggles?" she asked, looking for something to fill the silence.

" Yeah, Muggles," said James. "And Muggle..well..."

He trailed off, but Lily got the gist of it.

"I see," she said in a surprisingly calm voice. The five of them stood there awkwardly for a moment, Lily staring off into space, the four boys exchanging nervous glances.

"So," said Remus, breaking the silence and snapping Lily out of her reverie. "That being said, I think, Lily, it'd be best if we stuck around while you were here. Just to be safe."

"We'll be your escorts," added James proudly.

"Right," said Lily, not hiding her displeasure well at all. She thought about protesting, but the reality of what they had told her was sinking in, and she realized as much as she disliked the idea, even she wasn't that stubborn.

"Great," said Sirius, who seemed just as excited as Lily. "So where're we off to first?"

Lily resolved that she would get all of her supplies as quickly as possible. There was no reason she should have to spend any more time with the four of them than was necessary. She didn't mind Remus, and Peter was practically non existent, but being around them meant having to be around James and Sirius, and that was too much for her to handle. For some reason, Sirius seemed to feel it necessary to mock everything she had to say. He either repeated what she said in a nasally accent, or he completely contradicted her, just to see her steam. And being around James meant hearing him recount self-aggrandizing stories that usually involved him tormenting someone else. Otherwise, he would just stare at her until she felt immensely uncomfortable and told him to stop. The result was that after an hour of walking around the decidedly bismal and empty streets, Lily was caught between going into the pub to grab some food, and going home hungry so as not to have to deal with the lot of them anymore. Since her stomach was making rather unattractive lurching sounds, she chose the former.

The five of them were seated at the back of the dimly lit pub, which was empty save for a young couple sitting at the bar, and a wisened old wizard sitting by the front windows who appeared to be muttering to himself. As they all sat down, James pulled out the chair next to his and gestured for Lily to sit. She pointedly ignored him and sat down on the bench beside Remus and Peter. Sirius, who was sitting across from her, pulled his feet closer to his chair as she sat. After ordering herself some french onion soup, she sat back in her seat and tried to pretend she was anywhere else. Perhaps even back home listening to Vernon talking about his work.

" So Evans, you made head girl?" said James suddenly, making her look up.

"How did you know that?" said Lily, who hadn't made any mention of the fact all day.

"Oh, come on," said James, as though it were obvious. Lily just stared back at him, not acknowledging the compliment. James seemed unphased. In fact, he seemed positively jovial.

"Do you know who head boy is yet?" he asked, smiling broadly. The letter Lily had gotten telling her she made head girl had only detailed her duties; it hadn't said who the head boy would be. She had been certain, though, that it would be Remus.

"It's not Remus, then?" she asked, turning hopefully toward Lupin, who nodded in dissent. Sirius seemed to have snorted into his glass of butterbeer. James looked deflated.

"Why did it have to be Remus?" asked James, his forehead creasing.

"Some friend you are," said Lily. "What, like it would be _you_ or something? Remus was a prefect."

Sirius was no longer trying to stifle his laughter. He leaned back in his seat clasping his belly, as his barking laugh filled the pub. James glared at him, and Remus seemed embarrassed. Peter, who had been silent this entire time, leaned very low in his seat as though he thought there was about to be an explosion.

" What the bloody hell is wrong with you?" Lily snapped, looking at Sirius in frustrated confusion. It took him a couple of seconds to respond, as he tried to calm himself.

" Oh, oh nothing," he finally choked, still chuckling. "Just...just something someone said earlier."

The conversation was dropped after that, and Lily's soup was brought to the table a few minutes later. She was the only one eating, so the others entertained themselves in conversation while she sipped her soup in peace. It was the nicest part of the day, she thought.

After that, she was finally ready to go home. It was technically the shortest trip she had ever taken to Diagon Alley, but it had felt like the longest. Lily comforted herself with the idea that, at the very least, she wouldn't be seeing much of the Marauders again this year.


	3. Impressions

On the first of September Lily's eyes snapped open a half hour before her alarm was set to go off. There was a steady rain falling outside, and the only thing that broke the quiet in the house was the soft rumble of thunder. Lily showered and dressed in a hurry, feeling especially exhuberant. When she brushed her hair in the mirror, she smiled to herself. She was finally going back! Finally, she wouldn't be holed up here anymore, not knowing what to do with herself. She would be around her friends again. She would ge to eat the delicious food again. And best of all, she would be back in the wizarding world, where she knew she belonged.

After inhaling her breakfast she got into the car with her mother and father, who had insisted on seeing her off, despite the fact that she could have saved them the gas and just apparated to King's Cross herself. They didn't seem to mind though, and Lily was glad to see them again before she departed.

Lily was delighted to see that King's Cross was just as crowded as usual, though she wasn't sure why she had been worried it wouldn't be. Regardless, the sense of routine and homeliness she felt as she passed through the gate to Platform 9 ¾ was wonderful. Thick smoke obscured her vision for a moment, but then the sight of hundreds of students and their parents bustling about on the platform met her gaze, and she smiled broadly.

"Lily!" she heard her name called through the din. Spinning around to see who the voice belonged to, she was swallowed up into a ribcracking hug. Lily laughed; it was her friend and fellow Gryffindor Mary Macdonald, who had a surprisingly strong grip for such a petite girl. Her dirty blonde hair was tied up in a very messy bun, and her bright pink face seemed exhasperated.

"Have you just been running?" asked Lily, looking amused. The two of them headed toward the train.

"Er, yeah," admitted Mary, a bit sheepishly. "I read the clock wrong. Thought we were late. My mum had a bit of a fit when she realized."

Lily laughed. That was classic Mary. She had the extroadinary ability to make nonsense out of a simple situation. If she was tranfigured into a map, Lily was sure she would still get lost.

"So how've you been?" asked Mary brightly. "I've barely heard from you all summer."

Lily was about to answer when she felt a hand clasp her shoulder and a voice in her ear saying, " Didn't even wait for me, eh?"

"Hello Marlene," said Lily, smiling and rolling her eyes.

"_'Hello Marlene'_," Marlene repeated in an agitated way, but the smile on her face betrayed her. Marlene was tall, with thick honey-blonde hair and thin brown eyes. She had an air of suave indifference that neither Lily nor Mary possessed.

"How was Greece, Marlene?" asked Mary, stepping onto the train. The others followed her.

"It was a bore," said Marlene disinterestedly. "Terribly hot, and the bloke's weren't nearly as fitty as you'd think."

"I think Greece sounds lovely," said Mary, ignoring Marlene's negativity with ease. "I bet it was beautiful."

"Eh," said Marlene with a shrug. "What about you two? What have I missed while I was away? Any news?"

"Well, as a matter of fact," said Lily, pausing uncomfortably in front of them. " I have some news."

They stopped walking down the corridor and looked at her expectantly. Marlene raised her eyebrows suspiciously, whereas Mary just looked excited.

"I've made head girl," said Lily quickly, letting out a little gasp as she did. She didn't know why she was so nervous right now.

" Of course," said Marlene, without much change in her expression, while Mary exclaimed, "Congrats Lil's!"

"Yeah," aid Lily awkwardly.

"Who's head boy?" asked Mary.

"I'm not sure."

"I'll bet it's that Avery bloke," said Marlene with a look of disgust on her face.

"No way," said Lily immediately. "Dumbledore'd sooner make Potter head boy than that fowl git."

" I guess you're right," she conceded. "Well, you'll let us know. Come on, Mary, Lily's off for bigger and better things." She pretended to wipe a tear from her eye and said in a choked up voice, "They _always_ leave."

" See ya later, Lil's," said Mary, waving as her and Marlen turned toward the rear of the train. Lily waved in return, then headed back toward the front car.

When she reached the prefect's compartment, there were already a few kids in there. One of them, a Hufflepuff (fifth year, judging by the fact Lily didn't recognize her from last year), was pulling nervously at her sleeves. When Lily walked into the compartment, the girl started so badly she nearly fell out of her seat. By contrast, on the other side of the car stood a boy whom looked so at ease in his place that the pompous look on his face reminded her so badly of James that she wanted to gag. He was in Slytherin, and also a fifth year.

"Hello," said Lily, when neither of them said anything. "I'm Lily Evans, head girl. And you are?"

" Regulus Black," answered the boy immediately. Lily's eyes momentarily widened. She had known Sirius had a younger brother, but she had never actually seen him before. Now that she got a closer look at him, though, she wondered how she didn't immediately pick up on it. He had the same stormy grey eyes as Sirius, the same lanky gait. The only real difference was that Regulus looked a bit scrawnier than his older brother, and more put together. Most noticeably, his hair was combed out of his face; something she was quite sure Sirius would never do unless threatened with torture.

"And you are..?" asked Lily, rounding on the Hufflepuff girl.

" J-Jenna McKinsey," said the girl in a shaky voice.

" Well, it's good to meet you both," said Lily, unsure of what else to say. She really couldn't begin until everyone else got there. So, taking the place next to Jenna, she sat bolt upright in her seat with her hands on her lap and waited to welcome the rest of the stragglers. Almost immediately there was a rap on the door. Lily made to answer, but the door opened without waiting for a response. It was James Potter. Lily's face fell.

" James, _what_ are you doing here?" asked Lily in as civil a voice as she could muster. She wanted to appear professional in front of the prefects.

"Yeah, that's a good question," chimed Regulus, who looked just as disgruntled as Lily to see him.

James didn't say anything in response, but merely bit his lip and pointed to the shining gold badge on his chest. Lily's mouth fell open.

"No," she said immediately, aghast. "No!"

"Yes," said James, looking, to his credit, a little red in the face.

"It's a fake!" exclaimed Lily, standing up and walking toward him so as to get a better look at the badge. "It has to be!"

She stared at it incredulously.

"Who did you steal it from?" She snapped, sizing him up and down.

" I didn't steal it from anyone!" said James, looking genuinely offended. "Trust me, I was as surprised as you a-"

"_Oh_ _I doubt that_," she cut across him, and her voice sounded almost manic. She began pacing back and forth, the eyes of James, Jenna, and Regulus all on her. This couldn't be happening. This _couldn't_ be happening. James bloody _Potter _was head boy? What kind of sick joke was Dumbledore playing at?

"Evans, can I say something?"

"No!" snapped Lily, still pacing. James ignored her.

" Would you please stop acting as though it's the end of the bloody world? I'm head boy. Get used to it."

She stopped and stared at him, her face bright red with anger. James was giving her a hard look., as though challenging her. He gave her looks like this a lot, but this one seemed different. It was more defensive. She considered his words for a moment. She supposed, if he really _was _head boy, that there wasn't anything she could really _do_ about it. She would just have to make the best of it. _How_ she would do that, she had yet to figure out.

"Fine," she finally said, feeling quite worn out already. "Fine, let's just...go over duties."

That sat down together by the window as Regulus glared in James's direction and Lily pulled out her notes. They were sitting next to each other, but Lily was making it a point that their legs didn't touch. She determinedly looked at his face as little as possible, busying herself with what she had written. However, James didn't seem to care about these things. In fact, he sat quietly waiting for Lily to begin, politely peering around the room. Lily peered at him from the corner of her eyes. She realized, with a wallop in her chest, that he must have actually combed his hair that morning. The pieces in the back that normally stuck up weren't visible, and there wasn't as much hair in his face. Upon further inspection, she realized that his uniform was completely perfect; his shirt was tucked, his tie tightened, and his pants had no holes. Lily gaped at him.

Seeming to sense her stare, James turned to look at her innocently.

"What?" he said, looking mildly amused. Lily stared at him for a minute before responding.

"Nothing," she said, turning back to her notes. What _was_ he playing at?

After that the remaining prefects filed into the compartment, and the rest of the meeting went surprisingly well. As much as Lily disliked James's egotistical attitude, she had to admit he was a decent leader. Then she remembered that he was the captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. She supposed his type of personality did lend itself well to leading groups. Of course, she would never willingly admit that to him.

When they had finished dispensing orders and gone over the do's-and-dont's (Lily having done most of the talking, James keeping them attentive), they sent the prefects on their way. Lily noticed that as Regulus left he shot one last nasty look in James's direction before closing the compartment door. Lily furrowed her eyebrows.

"What's his problem with you, anyway?" she asked James as she packed her things away. James, who seemed to have been distracted by something out the window, looked up.

"Who?" he asked.

"Regulus Black. I'd think what with you being his brother's best mate, you'd get on a bit better," she said, trying to sound only mildly interested, though she was very curious.

" Oh, that," said James, standing up and yawning. He paused for a moment, perhaps searching for the right words. " Let's just say that Sirius doesn't exactly get on well with the rest of his family."

Lily furrowed her eyebrows.

"Why not?"

James shook his head and his hand rose instinctively toward his head, mussing up the carefully combed hair.

"You do realize the whole lot of them are Slytherin, dont you?" he finally said, looking at her a little exasperatedly.

"So?" said Lily indignantly. "What is _wrong_ with you lot? You really can't get along with people just because they're wearing the color green?"

" Lily it is far more complicated than that, and you don't have a clue what you're talking about," said James darkly, and the severity of his tone made her shut up. After a moment's silence he said, "I shouldn't be talking about it anyway. It's his business."

"You're right," said Lily, nodding her head in agreement. " You're right. I'm sorry I asked."

She gathered her things in her hands, and then swept some of her thick red hair behind her ear. As she made to leave, she gave James a wry little smile. Then, realizing suddenly who she was looking at, her face changed abruptly to a serious one, and she left without another word. After she left, James stared after her, a large goofy smile plastered to his face.


	4. Changes

A/N: This chapter's a tad longer than the others, but I've finished up most of the exposition in it. Things should pick up a bit from this point.

and please let me know what you think! Reviews are highly encouraged, I'd really like the feedback.

edit: thank you so much to CaraLee for pointing out the "Idk" error! I must've completely spaced when I wrote that.

* * *

When the Hogwarts Express pulled into Hogsmeade Station, there was a steady rain falling outside. The sky periodically lit up as lightning flashed across the sky, and Lily's breath fogged the window as she squinted out into the darkness.

Mary was just now pulling her robes on over her head, having forgotten to do it earlier. Marlene stared at her with an amused look on her face as Mary hopped around, trying to fit her messy bun through the neckhole of her robes. Then, turning to Lily she said, "Thank Merlin I'm not a first year. Imagine having to cross the lake in this weather?"

Lily nodded distractedly, still staring out the window. It was hard to tell through the downpour, but it looked like there was a group of people moving around on the Platform outside. As Lily squinted her eyes, she saw one of them lean forward, face shrowded in a hood, apparently trying to be more easily heard by the others around them.

"Who're those people?" asked Mary, who had finally gotten her robes on and appeared behind Lily with wide eyes.

"Dunno," said Lily darkly. "But I have a feeling we're going to find out."

Out on the platform, Lily met up with James, whom she had a bit of trouble finding because he was about to get on a carriage with Remus, Sirius and Peter, obviously having forgotten that he needed to help usher first years. When he caught sight of Lily with her arms folded and looking cross, he smiled jokingly and ran over to her.

" Forgotten already, have you?" She said snidely, turning and walking toward Hagrid before he had caught up to her.

" Sorry," he said, nonplussed. " Got a bit distracted."

" Well, you can't afford to get distracted, Potter. This is important," said Lily aggressively. She knew it really wasn't that big of a deal, but something about James's casual attitude was setting her on edge. She had a feeling this was going to be happening a lot this year.

"You know," said James loftily. " If we're going to be spending all this extra time together-"

"We won't!" snapped Lily. "If you think you're using this as an excuse to follow me around, you're wrong."

" What about rounds?" he asked defensively.

" What about them? We can perform rounds seperately, there's no need to be together," she said a little coldly. James looked significantly disheartened.

"Well...still," he carried on. "As we're both heads, and we have to work together, I think, well, I think we should stick to calling each other by our first names."

Lily shot him a rather reproachful look, but agreed nonetheless.

"I suppose you're right," she said indignantly.

By the time they had reached the first years, their robes were completely drenched. Lily made to call over the remaining stragglers, but realized that the prefects had already taken care of it. Looking disgruntled, she turned to James and said bitterly, "Come on, let's go find a carriage."

Lily remained silent for the entire carriage ride, staring determinedly out the window. The lights in the castle windows grew slowly larger as they rocked up the stony drive, and Lily wiped water off of her dripping nose. Peering over quickly at James, she saw that his glasses had completely fogged up, and she let out a little laugh.

"What?"

"Nothing," she said quickly, looking away, trying to keep her face straight. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him wipe off his glasses.

When they arrived at the castle, Lily made herself busy by telling students who were gossiping in the corridor to take a seat in the Great Hall. James simply followed behind her with his hands in his pockets, looking around distractedly. After watching him wave hello to Dane Greenwood, a sixth year Gryffindor who played some position on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Lily snapped, "you know, you don't have to just stand there. You could _help_ me."

James turned toward her leisurely and said, "With what? You've got it all under control."

"That's not the point! And if you're just going to stand around I don't see why-"

There was a loud sloshing sound, and then a SPLAT, and Lily felt something sticky and smelly ooze down her face. Looking horror-struck, she wiped as much off of her face as she could and then looked around bewilderedly for the source.

" Oi! Get back here you stupid git!" she heard James yelling, and swinging around she saw his lanky form chasing after Peeves the Poltergeist, who was floating at his ease in a zigzag formation up among the rafters. Looking around, she saw that she was not the only one in the hall who had been hit, though it appeared she had gotten the full blast of it. One girl who had been hit, a second year, was crying and pointing to her shoes, which were covered in the disgusting goop. Whatever it was, it smelled putrid and was an ugly yellowish-green, with the consistency of mud.

" Oooo, wee Potty-Pot seems a bit angry!" called Peeves in a jeering voice, and he let out a mad cakling laugh as James narrowly missed him with a stunning spell.

" Alright," said James casually, stowing his wand back in his robes. "I'll just go get the Bloody Baron then."

"Running off to tell the Baron, Ooo how brave! I see why you're in good ol' Griffy-door," tanted Peeves, twirling around in the air while holding his toes. However, when James continued to walk into the Great Hall, Peeves seemed to take more stock in his threat, and Lily watched as he flew up the grand staircase out of sight.

"Great," Lily mumbled, flinging the oozing stuff off of the top of her head.

"Looks like stinksap," said Mary knowledgably when Lily joined her and Marlene at the Gryffindor table a few minutes later. She held out her pointer finger and scooped some of it off of Lily's head, then raised it to her lips and flicked it with her tongue, looking thoughtful.

"Eughh!" cried Marlene, looking disturbed.

" Yup," said Mary, nodding with certainty. "Definitely stinksap."

"It's not poisonous is it?" asked Lily cautiously.

" Would I have licked it if it was?" said Mary shaking her head and smiling while rolling her eyes.

"That doesn't make it any less disgusting," said Marlene, who looked highly affronted at what she had just witnessed. Lily laughed as Mary shrugged her shoulders, and then raised her wand to her own head and said "_Evanesco!_", and the stinksap vanished. Then she turned to look up at the staff table. As she scanned the seats her smile fell, and her brow-line creased. Several more seats had been pulled up and crammed around the staff table. Wondering who they were for, her answer came almost immediately as she spotted Albus Dumbledore off to the side of the hall standing with a group of witches and wizards all dressed in identical deep purple cloaks. The wizard in the front, a gruff looking man whose face was heavily lined and seemed to be scowling, was talking very urgently to Dumbledore, who was standing quite calmly with an attentive look on his face. Then, almost as though he could sense her stare, the gruff looking wizard stopped talking and looked around the room cautiously before walking toward the staff table. The rest of the purple-cloaked wizards followed suit, followed closely by Dumbledore, who took his seat at the high-backed chair at the middle of the table. Lily made to point out these strange newcomers to Mary and Marlene, but before she had a chance the double-doors to the Great Hall swung open, and Professor McGonagall walked in followed closely by forty-or-so sodden looking first years.

Just as the Sorting ceremony began, Lily heard a shifting of seats and looked up to see Sirius sliding onto the bench next to Marlene across the table.

"Hello ladies," he said with a crooked smile, resting his arm casually around Marlene, who, to Lily's displeasure, didn't seem to mind.

"Hello Sirius," said Mary brightly, and Lily shot her a nasty look, which caused her to splutter, "Er, I mean..what are, uh, you doing over here?"

"Just popping in to say hello," he said, looking at nobody but Marlene.

"Hello," said Lily rigidly. "and _good-bye_."

"Alright, alright," said Sirius dismissively. Then he turned to Marlene and said, "See you in Hogsmeade?" before getting up and walking back to his end of the table. Marlene watched him coyly as he walked away, and Lily watched Marlene, her mouth gaping open, looking incredulous.

"What was _that_?" snapped Lily.

"What was what?" asked Marlene innocently, finally turning back to face Lily and Mary.

"Are you _seeing_ Sirius Black?" snarled Lily without preamble.

"Well, I don't know about _that_," said Marlene, shrugging. " _'Seeing' _him sounds so formal. I mean-"

" Oh my god," said Lily, horrorstruck. "Oh my god."

" What?" said Marlene, sounding nervous.

" You've shagged him haven't you?"

"What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?" said Marlene evasively, though she was no longer looking Lily in the eye. Lily continued to stare at her until she finally looked up with puppydog eyes and cried defiantly, "But he's _so_ gorgeous!"

"He's _vile_!," snapped Lily. " Marlene, I can't believe you!"

"Why, what's so wrong with it?" she asked defensively, turning to Mary. "Mary didn't think there was anything wrong with it!"

Mary, who seemed to have been determinedly ignoring them, spun her head around at the mention of her name and cried, "Don't drag me into this now!"

"_You knew about this?_" said Lily in a shrill voice. Several nearby heads turned in her direction.

" Well...I, uh...well, she," spluttered Mary, eyeing Lily with a frightened look on her face.

" Yes she knew about it," said Marlene. " I told her not to tell you."

"And _why_ not?" demanded Lily in an unflatteringly high-pitched voice. Marlene merely raised her eyebrows in response.

"Oh gee, I don't_ know_," she finally said, when Lily continued to look unsatisfied. "Maybe I thought you'd be upset or something. But clearly I was _way_ off."

Lily pursed her lips in such a Petunia-ish way that she felt her face turning red.

"I just," she finally said in a voice forced calm. "I just think you deserve better than him."

"Lily, I know you don't like him, but you'll see. He has certain qualities..."

" Like _what_?" asked Lily scathingly.

"Like his _ass_," said Mary, and her and Marlene burst into a fit of giggles.

" Oh shut up the two of you," Lily snapped, feeling quite annoyed with both of them. First Potter was made head boy, and now this? Lily had been under the impression that she would be seeing very little of the Marauders this year, but now, it seemed, they were slowly sinking their claws into her life. The silly idea occurred to her that they were planning this on purpose, and she turned toward the place where they were sitting to glare at them. However, her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Dumbledore's cheerful welcome; apparently the sorting ceremony had ended.

" Settle down, settle down," smiled Dumbledore, his blue eyes twinkling in the candlelight. "To all of our returning students, I'm sure the faculty will agree with me when I say, we're so glad to have you back! And to our new arrivals, welcome!" There was a polite applause, and then he continued, " Now, I have a few announcements to make before we all stuff our bellies. First, the usual warnings; students are not allowed out of bed past curfew, nor permitted to use spells in the corridors. Mr. Filch has a list of banned spells hanging on his office door for consultation. Also, the Forbidden Forest, is, as always, forbidden." He paused momentarily, and Lily could've sworn she saw him looking in the direction that the Marauders were sitting.

"Now," he continued, and his expression changed slightly. He looked stern, a look she rarely saw Dumbledore wear. He usually seemed quite unconcerned. "My second announcement is a new one. Given the events that have taken place in recent weeks, the Ministry has requested that the school be more thoroughly protected. The Minister has, therefore, assigned our school several new guests-" he gestured to the purple-cloaked wizards and witch who were crowded around the end of the staff table, "- whom, I'm sure, you will all be on your best behavior for. So, without further ado, I would like to introduce Hermes Maddow, your new Defense against the Dark Arts teacher, and Auror for the Ministry of Magic."

Dumbledore stepped aside to let Maddow through, clapping politely as he did so. After he had regained his seat at the staff table, Maddow spoke.

"Thanks, Dumbledore," he grunted. Now that Maddow was in the light, and no longer shrowded by his hood, Lily was able to get a good look at him. He seemed a hardened man, with a grizzled face and a gravelly voice. His hair was patchy and straw colored, and was tied back in a rather short, messy ponytail. He had a grey beard, which was also patchy and had bits of food stuck in it. When he spoke, it was with an authoratative urgency.

"I'd like to say it's a pleasure being here, but I have to admit I wish it were under friendlier circumstances," he said, peering out at them darkly, his hands clasped behind his back. "Dark wizards are on the rise, and as much as I'd like to ensure you all that everything is fine, I can't. We all have to be cautious. My collegues and I will be doing our darndest to make sure you kids stay out of trouble, and we'll need your help and cooperation to do so." At these words, there was a slight bit of murmuring from the students. " If any of you see any suspicious activity, or feel in any way that your safety is being threatened, don't hesitate to come find any one of us. That's why we're here."

"What does he think's going to happen to us in Hogwarts?" murmured Marlene, leaning closer to Lily.

"I don't know," said Lily, who was wondering the same thing. Was it really so bad out there that the Ministry thought Hogwarts wasn't safe anymore?

"This seems really serious," said Mary worriedly.

After Maddow offered a few more ominous warnings to the crowd, all of which Lily found highly discomforting, Dumbledore announced the start of the feast, and food appeared instantly in front of them. As Lily began eating she turned over what Maddow had said in her mind. He had told them to speak up if they noticed any suspicious activity; did that mean the Ministry suspected students were the cause of some of the things going on out there? Lily looked across the hall to the Slytherin table, her eyes resting on the small frame of a stringy, black-haired boy sitting amongst a group of seventh years. When Lily had confronted Severus about his intent to join the Death Eaters at the end of fifth year, he hadn't denied it. As she stared at him she felt her innards shrivelling with fear and resentment. _Is it possible...could he have killed someone? _She stared at him as he ate, watching as Stephen Mulciber placed one of his large, grubby hands on Snape's back. Snape looked up at the gesture, and even from this distance, Lily could see his smile.

How could he associate with Mulciber? With any of them? Even though she hadn't talked to him in over a year, Lily still felt betrayed. _He said my parentage didn't matter. He lied right to my face._

"Hell-O! Lily?"

Mary was waving her hand in front of Lily's face. Marlene was gazing at her with her arms folded in front of her and her face looking concerned. Lily blinked a couple of times and then said, "Sorry. Just thinking."

"About what? You don't even look like you're concentrating that hard during exams," said Marlene suspiciously.

"Just...how miserable it's going to be with James Potter being head boy," Lily lied. Marlene gasped, and Mary spit her pumpkin juice all over the table.

"WHAT?" Marlene yelled so loudly that several heads spun around to look at them.

" Yeah, I guess I forgot to mention," said Lily.

" FORGOT TO MENTION?" said Marlene. " How did _you_ forget to mention _that_?"

"How did that even happen?" asked Mary, her face scrunched up as though she were trying to figure out the sum of a large equation. "James wasn't even a prefect!"

"Yeah, tell me something I don't know," said Lily in a monotone voice. Somehow the topic of James being head boy didn't seem as scandelous to her now as it did when she had first found out.

"Are you gonna quit?" asked Marlene.

"What? Of course not," said Lily, taken aback.

"Well, then what are you gonna do?"

" I'm just going to deal with it. I mean, what else can I do? It's done, isn't it?"

"You could go to Dumbledore," suggested Mary.

"Nah, I thought about that," said Lily. "But Dumbledore wouldn't do anything unless I had proof Potter was abusing his power or somethng."

"So?" said Marlene. "That's only a matter of time isn't it?"

"I don't know," said Lily. "He seems..."

She turned and looked down the table to where James and the rest of the Marauders were sitting. He was hunched over in his seat, his head lowered, and he was mussing his hair. Sirius was sitting next to him, and with laughter on his face he leaned in and whispered something to James, who smiled faintly, but otherwise continued to look stoic.

" He seems different."


	5. Blame

A/N: Sorry it's been a while! I got really busy with school. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the update~

* * *

The rainy weather continued far into the next week, which did nothing to help Lily's mood. For the first time in her Hogwarts career, she was finding it difficult to concentrate in a lot of her classes. Part of this had to do with the new ominous feeling that seemed to be permeating the school. Students talked in hushed voices in the corridors, and the presence of the Ministry appointed Aurors seemed to be keeping everyone uneasy. To top it off, the state of things outside of the school was getting worse. Already since she had arrived, the _Daily Prophet_ that Marlene received by owl at breakfast told of five new deaths. Lily knew of two students who had been directly effected by this news. One, a first year boy from Ravenclaw; the other, a sixth year girl in Gryffindor whom Lily knew from prefect duties last year. Their parents had been murdered. They were both Muggle-born. It did not escape Lily's mind that these incidents may soon be affecting her in a very personal way.

The second reason that Lily was finding it difficult to concentrate was far less sinister, but in some ways just as distracting. It was because of the new company that Marlene was keeping.

Lily had never found it very difficult to avoid the Marauders in the past. In any of the classes they had together, Lily sat as far from them as possible. She never went to Quidditch matches, she never spent time in the common room, and she spent copious hours in the library, which was a place neither James or Sirius ever dared venture. However, now that Sirius and Marlene seemed to be a thing, she found them inescapable. Lily wondered whether James Potter suffered from some sort of ailment from which he would die unless he was within ten feet of Sirius Black at all times, because whenever Sirius showed up, James was always close behind.

After about two weeks of forced constant contact with the Marauders, Lily decided to start avoiding her friends alltogether. Lily wasn't used to hanging around in large groups; her friendship with Marlene and Mary being a fairly recent phenomenon. For the greater half of her schooling she had spent most of her time with Severus Snape, and since they were from separate houses, they couldn't very well spend any time together in their common rooms. Because of this, Lily didn't really get to know many of her fellow Gryffindors until after her falling out with Snape. She ended up confiding in Marlene and Mary because they had been the only ones who hadn't given Lily a hard time for being friends with Snape over the years. She didn't like avoiding them, but she felt she had no choice. Unless she wanted to spend another mealtime ignoring Sirius's biting remarks and James surrepticious glances, she had to act.

So, at the end of a double potions class, Lily eyed the clock furtively and began packing together her things so as to be ready to bolt when the bell sounded. Marlene was too deep in conversation with Sirius to notice, and every couple of seconds Lily could hear her giggling like a child at something Sirius had said. Lily cringed at the sound. Mary, it seemed, was telling a story to James, who was nodding fervently in response. Lily slowly inched her way closer to the door. If she was quick, she could make it down the corridor before any of them even left their seats. Then she could head straight to the library, and hide somewhere amongst the rows of books. She was busy contemplating this when suddenly Slughorn called out, just as the bell rang, "Miss Evans, Mister Potter, Mister Black, Mister Snape, and Mister Avery! I'd like a word, if you could please stay behind!"

Lily groaned audibly. Marlene, Mary, Remus and Peter said goodbye, and then Lily made her way to the front of the room with the others. Slughorn was seated at his desk, his plump belly straining against the wood, his hands neatly clasped in front of him. When she reached the front of the room, she realized that Dominic Avery's eyes were fixed on her; his mouth was contorted into a malicious grin. The way he was looking at her made her feel highly uncomfortable. Instinctively, she looked at Snape. However, he was determinedly staring in the opposite direction.

"Ah, good, good!" boomed Slughorn once they had all appeared in front of him. " Everyone had a good summer I take it?"

Everyone muttered their agreement in dulcet tones.

"_Good_, good," said Slughorn. "Well, as you may have guessed, my first party of the year is coming up this weekend, and I expect the lot of you to attend! Get the year started off with a bang, shall we?"

When no one said anything, Slughorn rounded on Snape and said, "Whaddya think boys? Miss Evans? Severus here could use some livening up, eh?"

Snape's face flushed an ugly shade of red. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Sirius holding back a laugh.

"I think we all could, sir," said James brightly, apparently to break the awkward silence. Lily didn't understand how, but Slughorn seemed completely oblivious to the fact that he had just called together a meeting of people that hated each other. Lily looked up at Slughorn, still ignoring Avery's hungry stare.

"Sir, is that all?" she asked politely.

"Er, yes," replied Slughorn, seeming confused by their lack of enthusiasm. " I'll see the lot of you this Saturday at 8 o' clock then?"

"Yes sir," said Avery, his eyes still on Lily. Lily was determinedly looking anywhere but at him. When Slughorn dismissed the lot of them, Lily walked as quickly as possible out of the classroom, without saying a word to either James or Sirius. She rounded the corner, cursing Slughorn under her breath for ruining her plan, and hoping she still had a chance to get away without being seen. However, rather than being inconspicuous, it just caused James to run after her. He rounded on her in the corridor, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Lily, are you okay?"

" I'm fine," she said curtly, brushing his hand off of her and not bothering to look at him. She continued walking, and James continued to follow.

"Are you sure? Because you seem a bit frazzled."

She scrunched her face, amused at his word choice. "Frazzled?" she repeated.

"Well...yes," said James. "Look, could you stop walking for a minu-"

Lily had stopped walking so abruptly that James walked right into her. He opened his mouth to apologize but Lily was too preoccupied to notice. Her gaze was transfixed on the wall in front of her. James stared too, his face hardening.

Magicked on the wall were what looked like several hundred newspaper clippings arranged to form the words "DIE MUDBLOODS" in huge letters. The message took up the length of the corridor, and when Lily moved closer, she realized the newspaper clippings were copies of the Daily Prophet articles about the recent deaths. The smiling face of Laura Tenolli's dead father was staring up at her from the newsprint.

James cursed under his breath, and from the corner of her eye Lily saw him draw his wand.

"What're you doing?" snapped Lily, gaping at him. "You don't even know who did this!"

"I've got a pretty good idea," said James darkly. Lily opened her mouth to rebuke him, but she was cut-off by the sudden presence of Professor McGonagall and the newly appointed Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Maddow.

"...right here, Professor. Do you really think-" Professor McGonagall stopped talking abruptly when she noticed Lily and James standing in the corridor. "Potter! Evans! What're you-?"

"We just left class, Professor...we just...we were walking and..."said Lily, but she found the words weren't coming to her easily. Suddenly, and without knowing why, she felt her face heating up and tears began to well in her eyes. The longer Lily fumbled over her words, the softer Professor McGonagall's face became. She moved closer to where her and James stood and said softly, "Miss Evans, perhaps you should go back up to the common room. I'll understand if you need to be excused from class this evening."

Lily didn't know what to say, so she simply nodded. Then McGonagall rounded on James and said, "Potter, I'm sure you can escort Miss Evans to the common room without _that_." She looked pointedly at the wand in James's hand, and he begrudgingly placed it back inside his robes. "I'll remind you that being appointed as headboy requires certain _responsibilities_..."

"Have I done something wrong, Professor?" asked James innocently.

"Just remember to think about your actions, Potter," said McGonagall in a curt voice. "Now off you go, the both of you. We'll take care of this."

Lily and James began the walk up to the Gryffindor common room in a heavy silence. Lily could tell from the look on his face that James was trying very hard to think of something to say. She was glad that he didn't. She really didn't want to hear James preach to her right now. She was sure she knew what he would say: _It was Snape and his mates. The lot of them are Death Eaters. You know I'm right, Evans. _And what if he was right? What then? It's not as though they could be arrested for pulling such a stunt. Or expelled even. And from what she knew of Dumbledore, he was all about second chances. How else could you explain James being head boy?

Anyway, it didn't really matter to Lily who did it. It was the faces of the dead that were on her mind. Innocent people, probably completely unaware that they were even being persecuted, slaughtered in their own homes. And why?

Lily had never divulged to her parents the hatred some wizards felt toward muggles. She felt it was pointless to worry them. She assumed they would never have to deal with it, so why bother telling them? They would only worry about her. But now she wondered if she had been mistaken. She wondered if it was too late to warn them.

"Password?"

Lily blinked. "Whuh?"

Lily actually had to look around to realize where they were. They had arrived at the Fat Lady already. She had been in such a stupor, she hadn't even noticed.

"_Password?_" the Fat Lady repeated impatiently.

"Cacophony," supplied James, and the door to the common room sprang open to receive them. As they climbed over the threshold he turned toward Lily and said, "Lil's, are you alright?"

"I'm fine-" Lily began automatically, but then she stopped herself. Looking bemused she said, "What'd you call me?"

"I believe I called you your name," said James, looking equally confused.

"Yes, but-"

"I thought you agreed we should be on first-name basis now?" said James before she could argue. He looked at her pointedly, a smile curling his lips.

" I..." She paused, then said resignedly, "I did."

"Good, now that's settled. So, are you alright? Honestly." He was looking at her earnestly. For some reason Lily found it hard to hold his gaze.

"James, I don't know that I want to talk to you about this," she said. He _had_ asked for her to be honest. She knew it would hurt him, however the way his face fell caught her off guard.

"Why not?" he asked, and she noticed a distinct edge to his voice.

"Well, for several reasons!" said Lily defensively.

"Like what?" demanded James.

"Like, we're not exactly _friends_ for one. I barely know you James! And frankly, we don't have the greatest history!"

"And who's fault is that!" said James. Lily's face flushed a violent shade of red. James seemed to realize his mistake as soon as he had made it. "Okay, so maybe that was..."

"Whose _fault_?" snapped Lily.

"I didn't mean-"

"WHOSE _FAULT_? You're blaming _me_? When for five years you did nothing but bully me and my closest friend! YOU"RE BLAMING ME?"

James atleast had the grace to blush. He seemed very confused and apologetic, but Lily didn't care. She just didn't have the capacity to deal with him right now. She was fearing for her parent's lives, she felt she was losing her friends to the people she hated most, and now _James Potter_ had the _nerve _to blame her for the fact that they never became friends? The injustice of it all was welling inside of her.

Before James had the chance to say anything else that might make her angry, Lily turned on her heel and made to leave the common room. However, just as she reached the exit, the portrait hole swung open to reveal Sirius, Marlene, Mary, Remus, and Peter.

"There you are!" exclaimed Marlene brightly. "How come you two never came down to lunch?"

Lily merely scowled. Ignoring their cries of _"Oi!" _and _"What the hell, Evans?" _Lily pushed her way through them and stormed out of Gryffindor Tower.


	6. Initiation

Remus found Lily a few hours later, in the furthest row of books in the library, reading their transfiguration textbook. Lily saw him approaching out of the corner of her eye, but said nothing as he quietly sat down in the seat next to her. Remus sat patiently in silence as she read, waiting, she was sure, for her to speak first. Lily appreciated that about Remus.

"Took you long enough to find me," she said after a few minutes had passed in silence. Remus smiled.

"Lily, I knew where you were as soon as you'd left. I just figured you needed some time to yourself."

Lily looked up from her book, eyeing him curiously. "Thank you," she said finally. Remus shrugged.

"So," said Remus, looking down at the textbook in her hands. "You find transfiguring cats that interesting?"

"Not exactly," said Lily. "But I missed class earlier, so I figured I should catch up on what I missed."

"Well, you can rest easy, because you didn't miss much of anything."

Lily furrowed her brow. "What do you mean?"

"All evening classes were cancelled. Something to do with what you and James saw in the corridor."

Lily said nothing to this news. She was contemplating. Remus seemed to be lost in thought himself; he he was staring down, his eyes glossed over. There were deep bags under his eyes, she noticed.

" What do you think it means?" she asked, not expecting an answer. "Maybe they know who did it?"

"Even if they do, it doesn't make sense to cancel classes for that. Dumbledore had to know that would only make people suspicious, worried. They must've learned something..."

"Remus," said Lily, her voice suddenly very small. She looked at him sideways, and her eyes were glassy. "I'm scared."

After a moment he said, "Me too, Lily."

Not too long after their talk, Lily and Remus walked back up to Gryffindor tower together. Lily noticed that the hallways were especially deserted, and every few minutes they crossed paths with a Ministry Auror who gazed at them suspiciously before turning hastily down another corridor. It was beginning to make Lily feel very uneasy. She knew they were there to protect them, but something about their presence made her feel even less safe. Remus seemed to be thinking the same thing; he started walking much faster. They were almost at the seventh floor corridor when suddnely they turned and bumped into something solid. Lily blinked. Then she blinked again.

There was nothing there. Baffled, she turned to see if Remus was just as concerned, but to her surprise, he seemed completely composed. With a stern face he said, "Guys, just come out."

"Who're you-?" Lily began, but she stopped mid-sentence when suddenly James and Sirius materialized out of nowhere. She stared incredulously from one to the other, unable to comprehend what she was seeing. They, however, seemed quite giddy about her shock. Then, slowly, her eyes traveled from their grinning faces to the thin, silky cloth James was holding in his hands. "Is that-?"

"An invisibility cloak?" supplied James. "Why, yes it is."

"How did you-?"

"Gift from my dad,"said James, smiling broadly.

"How long-?"

"Don't ask too many questions, it'll just go to his head," said Sirius, though he seemed to be enjoying her stupor as much as James. Lily tried to compose herself, but found she still had many questions.

"What're you two doing here?" asked Remus helpfully.

"Looking for you," said Sirius as though it were obvious. Then, seemingly as an afterthought, he added, "Both of you."

"What's going on?" asked Lily, whose shock was quickly wearing off. She was remembering her anger toward James, and she hadn't missed the begrudging way Sirius had said _"Both of you"_.

"It's better if we go somewhere else to talk," said James in a hushed voice. "McGonagall's just ordered everyone not to leave their dormitories."

"Okay," said Lily, and she made to walk toward the portrait hole. However, the three boys started walking in the opposite direction. Lily paused momentarily, seriously tempted to walk back into the common room and let them go. However, curiosity got the best of her, and she quickly ran to catch up with them. Keeping pace with James and Sirius was difficult, because they were both atleast a head taller than Lily and their strides were twice that of hers. However, Remus, who wasn't much taller than her, didn't seem to be having much trouble. Lily figured he must be used to it.

After several minutes of what felt like them wandering in circles, James and Sirius had led them to a part of the castle that Lily didn't even recognize. It was very dimly lit here, the only lightsource being a few scattered torches lining the castle walls. There was only one painting in this corridor, and it was that of a very gaunt looking wizard, with sunken eyes and a tightly cropped beard. Sirius saw her looking at it and said, "That's Bertrand the Builder. Had his tongue cut out by the queen when he didn't build the throne room to her liking. So don't worry about him talking."

"That's not what happened, " said James absently, pulling out a yellowed piece of parchment and tapping it with his wand. Lily heard him mutter a spell of some sort under his breath, but couldn't make out the words.

"Then what _did_ happen?" replied Sirius lazily.

"Does it matter?" said Remus irritably. "The point is it's safe to talk here, so what is it you have to tell us?"

James was silent for a moment, still inspecting the parchment in his hands. Then, seeming satisfied with whatever he was looking at, he folded it up and said, "Alright, we should be okay."

"What is that?" asked Lily curiously, leaning closer to get a good look. James quickly stowed it in his pocket and said casually, "Nothing important. But listen, me and Sirius know what's happened."

"Know what's happened where?" said Lily, furrowing her eyebrows. Sirius rolled his eyes impatiently.

"We know who put up the sign, and we know why Dumbledore cancelled classes," he said in a voice barely above a whisper. Lily's face remained unchanged. She found this news highly unlikely.

"Oh really," she said bitingly. "Who did it then?"

"Jenna McKinsey," said James immediately. This caught Lily completely aback. She had been ready for him to name off any one of the Slytherins.

"Jenna McKinsey?" said Remus, who seemed just as baffled as Lily. "the Hufflepuff prefect?"

"The one and the same," said James, his eyes bright with something Lily had never seen before. He seemed...thirsty. Excited.

"That doesn't make any sense," said Lily. "Jenna's a muggle-born! And even if she wasn't, she's harmless. She's barely got enough confidence to defend herself against name-calling, let alone to condemn an entire group of people through vandalism."

"Well Jenna wasn't acting of her own accord," said Sirius, who, like James, seemed to have a wild look in his eyes. "She was under the Imperius Curse."

Lily just squinted her eyes at him. This entire story was incredibly far-fetched and convoluted, yet...James and Sirius had looks on their faces that told her they totally believed in what they were telling her.

"Where are you getting this information from?" asked Remus, who seemed to share her skepticism.

"Dumbledore held a staff meeting-," said James.

"And we were able to...sit in," finished Sirius. His words were met with silence as Remus and Lily absorbed the information. Lily studied his face curiously, and then her eyes moved slowly in James's direction, resting finally on the invisibility cloak. Her eyes widened as comprehension dawned on her face.

"Tell me everything you heard," said Lily quickly, apparently taking Sirius, James and Remus by surprise. Sirius especially seemed taken aback by her response. He and James exchanged looks before they continued.

"Well, McGonagall had Maddow perform a spell on the wall to see what kind of wand had placed the newspapers there. Then Maddow brought the information to Ollivander to see who he had sold the wand to, and it led them to Jenna," explained Sirius quickly.

"They found Jenna a little after lunch, still in a trance. She was in the girl's bathroom staring at a wall muttering to herself. Apparently whoever placed the curse did a piss poor job, because the whole point of the Imperius is to not make it obvious they're being controlled," said James.

"So did Maddow use the same spell to figure out who performed the curse?" asked Lily eagerly. This time it was Remus who answered.

" He can't have," he explained. "That sort of spell doesn't work on curses or jinxes, and at any rate, it's incredibly difficult to perform on something living."

Sirius and James looked impressed, but Remus just shrugged.

"Well, exactly," said James. "But it didn't matter, because as I said, the person who performed the curse did a piss poor job."

" So Jenna was able to remember who cursed her then?"

"Yep," said James, laughing slightly. "Embarrassing isn't it?"

Lily scowled. "So who did it then?!"

"Isn't it obvious?" said Sirius. "It was that twat, Avery."

"Needless to say, he's not gonna be making an appearance at ol' Sluggy's party this weekend," said James casually, smirking. Lily wasn't smiling.

"Do the two of you think this whole thing is just one big joke?" Lily snapped. "A fourteen year-old girl was cursed!"

The smiles fell off of their faces, and now Sirius looked angry.

"We never said it was a joke, Evans. We're not laughing at Jenna," he snapped back, looking down at her disdainfully. Lily glared right back, refusing to let him intimidate her.

"Then what _are_ you laughing at, _Black_?"

"How about the fact that the arrogant arsehole who cursed a girl was caught within the day?"

"Ha! Look who's talking about arrogance!"

Sirius looked outraged. He took a step closer to Lily, so that he had to look down at her in order to look her in the eye. "You're comparing me to _him_? To that _scum_?"

"Lily..." said Remus warily, looking from her to Sirius, and back again.

"Well you _do_ seem to share a lot of similar qualities, _don't_ you!" seethed Lily. Her face was a brilliant shade of pink. She stared up at Sirius, unwavering. She didn't know quite why she was so angry at him, or even why she was attacking him. However, she knew she couldn't back down now. Sirius was staring at her through slits, and while her face grew steadily ruddier, his was becoming paler.

"This is bloody ridiculous! You think I would curse someone?!"

"You curse Slytherins all the time!" snarled Lily. She was yelling now. They were both yelling.

"That's completely different and you know it!"

"Are you trying to convince _me_, or yourself?!"

"BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!"

Lily and Sirius were both breathing heavily. It had been James who had yelled. He had the yellowed piece of parchment out again, and seemed to be eyeing it carefully.

"Alright, everyone under the cloak, now!" he said urgently, rushing over to the three of them and throwing the cloak over them without waiting for a response.

"James, we can't all fit under here!" protested Remus in a hushed voice.

"So everyone crouch down! _Now_!"

The three of them obeyed, and in the nick of time they managed to completely cover all of themselves with the cloak. Several seconds after they were completely hidden, one of the Ministry Aurors wandered down the corridor, his wand held aloft. He must've heard them yelling. Lily tried to stifle her breathing, because the fight had left her breathless. The Auror peered around slowly, listening. Then, noticing the portrait hanging on the wall, he walked over to it and asked, "You there! Who was just down here?"

Lily looked up in horror. Bertrand the Builder was still standing in the same place, the same stoic look on his face. When the Auror asked his question, Bertrand merely blinked at him.

"Well?" the Auror pried impatiently. He held his wand tip closer to the painting, revealing the intricate detailing of the background. Slowly, Bertrand reach up his hand, his finger pointing. For a split moment, Lily believed he was about to point at the spot where the four of them were huddled. However, he simply opened his mouth, and pointed to the empty space where his tongue should have been. The Auror grunted in displeasure.

"I see," he said gruffly, scratching his chin. "Well, can you show me which way they went?"

Bertrand raised his finger again, this time pointing off to the left of his painting. The Auror headed immediately in that direction, and soon enough he was out of sight. After a moment to make sure they were alone again, James removed the cloak and they all stood up.

"Thank's Bertie," said Sirius with a nod in the portrait's direction. Bertrand nodded in response.

"What just happened?" said Lily, her nerves making her shake slightly.

"Well you two rowing almost got us caught," said James evenly, looking down at his parchment again.

"What_ is_ that thing? How did it tell you that man was coming?" demanded Lily.

"We should get out of this area," said James, ignoring her question entirely. He started walking towards the right, and the rest of them followed without question; Lily begrudgingly so. They walked quickly, and in silence. Lily wondered if this was a regular night for them. Eventually, they wandered down into a corridor that was even darker than the one they had been in previously. Once again, Lily had no idea where they were inside the castle.

"Where are we?" she asked aloud to no one in particular.

"The base of the astronomy tower," James answered promptly. However, since Lily had no idea how they had gotten there, this information really meant nothing to her. James pulled out his wand and lit it. " I think we're good here."

"Why are we still hiding?" asked Remus.

"Because there's more to say," said James. He was speaking in a hushed voice again, and he seemed very determined to convey this information. "What happened to Jenna wasn't random. At the meeting, they brought Avery in for questioning. He wasn't being very helpful of course. Denied everything. So Maddow was going to have Slughorn use some of his Veritiserum stores on him. Well, Dumbledore wasn't having that. Said there was no way they'd use that kind of method on a student. But Maddow pulled out a paper that said something about how Dumbledore was impeding evidence by not letting them use it. So, they gave him the potion. Well, then he admitted to everything. And, apparently, the whole thing with the curse and the newspapers was a type of _initiation_."

"Initiation?" said Lily, disgusted. "For what?"

"What do you think?" said Sirius. "It's the bloody Death Eaters."

Lily tried to ignore the attitude in his answer. Instead, she contemplated what this meant.

"So, You-Know-Who...is recruiting?" She said more to herself than anyone. She thought immediately of Snape, her worst fears realized. This confirmed it, didn't it? Snape was always at Avery's side. There was no way he didn't know about Avery's actions. And for all she knew, he was probably taking part in his own twisted initiation.

"Why are you telling me this?" asked Lily suddenly. James seemed confused by her question.

"Well, no offense Lily, but people in the school targeting muggle-borns as a sign of loyalty to Voldemort? You're in danger. It would be cruel not to tell you."

He gave her a hard look, but there was something comforting about it to her. She realized that he was genuinely concerned for her, and she felt guilty for yelling at him earlier.

They took a different route to get back up to the common room, and all the while Lily walked in silence. She was deep in thought about how much her perception of things had changed over the years. Severus Snape had once been her dearest friend, and now whenever she thought of him her insides boiled with disgust and anger. How had she been so blind for so long? She had always thought him a better person than James Potter or Sirius Black. However, as much as she had argued with the two of them over the years, she realized that neither one of them had ever thought less of her for being muggle-born. The two purebloods. She was beginning to see things from their side, and it made her feel foolish. She had always accused James and Sirius for bullying indiscriminantly, but now she was wondering if maybe they had been seeing something that she hadn't. Not to say that either of them were blameless; but she was beginning to think that things were much less one-sided than she had previously imagined.

When the four of them walked back through the portrait hole, Lily made for the girl's dormitory in silence. None of the other's stopped her. As she headed up the stairs she heard Sirius say to James, "So, what _did_ happen to Bertrand's tongue then?"

"Oh, that," she heard James say. "Bertrand the Builder wasn't a builder, and he never lost his tongue. The artist just died before the painting was finished."


End file.
